About book Don't Sweat The Small Stuff ... And It's All Small Stuff: Simple Ways To Keep The Little Things From Taking Over Your Life (1997)
I am not much of a self-help reader (occasionally I will read a Christian living/theology book but that's really it), but I recommend this book to everyone. There are some real pearls of wisdom therein (if you will pardon the cliche'). I definitely believe some of these strategies are intuitive, that you probably utilize some as survival mechanisms in your daily routine, just to get through the day and dealing with others. But it never hurts to get a gentle reminder. My recommendation is to keep this book at work in your drawer, or in your tote bag. Pull it out when you need a few minutes to recharge your juices. You will find yourself putting some of these tips to use right away. As a shy, conflict-avoiding person who went into a field where I have to deal with people (often difficult and often stressed and not always pleasant) everyday, I think anyone who has to be around and communicate with others heavily can use these skills in this book. What I really like about this book is how easy it is to read. Although Dr. Carlson is a PhD, he doesn't write in such a way to sound more scholarly and less down to earth. And this book is fairly inexpensive. I got it for $9 at Barnes and Noble. I'm sure you can find it even cheaper if you tried. I believe his goal really is to help. He uses a friendly, conversation writing style that is very down to earth and concise (He sorts of reminds me of Christian writer Max Lucado in that sense). Each chapter is no more than three pages at the most, but so much good information is included, plus personal examples of how the strategy was used by the author. Nothing like seeing that the writer struggles in the same ways as the rest of us.Update One:This week, I had one of those Mondays you really don't want to have. I pulled this book out of my tote and started reading it. It helped me to feel better because it really does put things into perspective. We make big deals out of stuff that we really shouldn't. We make our lives into soap operas when they don't have to be. Why? It's such a waste of energy that we could be using to fuel our daily lives in better, more productive ways. With a fringe benefit of leaving us plenty of energy to be content and enjoy our lives. Dr. Carlson really gets to the heart of that in this book.At the time of update one, I was still reading this book. I started this review before I finished the book, in order to get some of my thoughts down (before they fly out of my head).Some lessons from this book that I applied to my life this week:-Don't sweat the small stuff (the titular lesson--which bears repeating as a daily mantra)-Develop your compassion-Remind yourself that when you die, your 'in basket' won't be empty-Choose your battles wisely-Become a better listener-Choose being kind over being right-Practice humilityFinal update:What a rewarding reading experience. This is the one self-help book you really should read. It doesn't matter if you're religious, atheist, whatever. You can gain some wonderful insight from this book. At the final reading, I could see how the advice in this book would have helped me in a challenge I faced a day or so before. It still helps on the other end, giving me the insight to look at things from a more healthy viewpoint. Stress kills, and I have come to the realization that I don't want to die from stress-related health problems, which I could be on the fast track to doing if I don't change my outlook.This book helped me today. I had to deal with a person that I did not have a good experience with the first time around. The advice this book gave me about listening to someone and what that person is truly saying, and trying not to interrupt, and trying to see the 'innocence' in them, well it was simply invaluable. I promise, I am not the type to hype self-help books! But I can't help but praise this one. Some of the powerful things I read about today:-Turn Your Melodrama into a Mellow-drama-Practice Ignoring Your Negative Thoughts-Be Happy Where You Are-Quiet the Mind-Think of Your Problem as Potential Teachers-Get Comfortable Not Knowing-Acknowledge the Totality of Your Being-Cut Yourself Some Slack-Stop Blaming Others-Transform Your Relationship to Your Problems-The Next Time You Find Yourself in an Argument, Rather than Defend Your Position, See if You Can See the Other Point of View First-Listen to Your Feelings (They Are Trying to Tell You Something)-Redefine a "Meaningful Accomplishment"-If Someone Throws You the Ball, You Don't Have to Catch It-One More Passing Show-Realize the Power of Your Own Thoughtsand a very good lesson for me.... Trust Your Instinctive Heart!I am so glad I bought this book. It will not be one that I shove to the back of my bookshelf, to pull out rarely, if ever. It's going to be one that I carry around with me as I walk through life. It won't replace the Bible for me. It's not that kind of book. But whatever your belief is, it never hurts to put things into perspective. And that is the simple message of this book. You can learn to realize that the small stuff isn't worth all the drama, and in the sum of things it's all small stuff, as the title says.
Awesome inspiring read! Dr. Carlson is one cool dude! This book has definitely made me think and makes me want to be a better peaceful person! Here's some of my favorites! Keep in mind I got a lot out of this book! :) I will start with my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE ONE! It is from the chapter called...Remember that everything has God's fingerprints on it"Rabbi Harold Kushner reminds us that everything that God has created is potentially holy. Our task as humans is to find that holiness in what appear to be unholy situations. He suggests that when we can learn to do this, we will have learned to nurture our souls. It's easy to see God's beauty in a beautiful sunrise, a snow-capped mountain, the smile of a healthy child, or in ocean waves crashing on a sandy beach. But can we learn to find the holiness in seemingly ugly circumstances-difficult life lessons, a family tragedy, or a struggle for life? When our life is filled with the desire to see the holiness in everyday things, something magical begins to happen. A feeling of peace emerges. We begin to see nurturing aspects of daily living that were previously hidden to us. When we remember that everything has God's fingerprints on it, that alone makes it special. If we remember this spiritual fact while we are dealing with a difficult person or struggling to pay our bills, it broadens our perspective. It helps us to remember that God also created the person you are dealing with or that, despite your struggle to pay your bills, you are truly blessed to have all that you do. Somewhere, in the back of your mind, try to remember that everything has God's fingerprints on it. The fact that we can't see the beauty in something doesn't suggest that it's not there. Rather, it suggests that we are not looking carefully enough or with a broad enough perspective to see it." Imagine that everyone is enlightened except you"As the title suggests, the idea is to imagine that everyone you know and everyone you meet is perfectly enlightened. That is, everyone except you! The people you meet are all here to teach you something. Your job is to try to determine what the people in your life are trying to teach you.""If you think of strangers as being a little more like you and treat them not only with kindness and respect but with smiles and eye contact as well, you'll probably notice some pretty nice changes in yourself. You'll begin to see that most people are just like you-most of them have families, people they love, troubles, concerns, likes, dislikes, fears, and so forth. In other words, even though we often mess up, most of us are doing the best that we know how with the circumstances that surround us. Along with seeing the innocence in people comes a profound feeling of inner happiness.""A low mood is not the time to analyze your life. To do so is emotional suicide. If you have a legitimate problem, it will still be there when your state of mind improves. The trick is to be grateful for our good moods and graceful in our low moods-not taking them too seriously. The next time you feel low, for whatever reason, remind yourself, "This too shall pass." It will.""Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty.""Author Stephen Levine asks the question, "If you had an hour to live and could make only one phone call-who would you call, what would you say, and why are you waiting."""Something wonderful begins to happen with the simple realization that life, like an automobile, is driven from the inside out, not the other way around. As you focus more on becoming more peaceful with where you are, rather than focusing on where you would rather be, you begin to find peace right now, in the present. Then, as you move around, try new things, and meet new people, you carry that sense of inner peace with you. It's absolutely true that "Wherever you go, there you are."""Treasure yourself."
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Snippets of good behavioral advice that anyone can accept....but putting them into practice? Like so many books of the "self help" variety, all good stuff however people who are strongly locked into behaving in ways that are contrary to the direction being proposed here might find this book and so many others like it, just another stick to beat themselves with for not being OK. The kinds of change that are required of people to have the behavioral changes described here take root are trans formative, that normally requires change at depth through long and arduous spiritual work. This doesn't beg the value of the advice given just the presumption that a quick read and an "uh huh" will bring about the changes necessary to alter habitual behavior.Books offering quick fix paths to happiness are often delusional in their intent, if not in their content. In this case some good stuff, particularly if it were to encourage some self examination at depth...and support the work that might flow from it.
—Steve Woods
This book was on the nightstand in a friend's guest room where I stayed recently - its natural habitat, I suppose; where else would you expect to find a book like this? I read it over breakfast and it offers a bunch of tips on cultivating acceptance and loving kindness: -Imagine an irritating person as a tiny infant and then as a 100-year-old (OK, this made me tear up); -When someone criticizes you, start by agreeing with them (valuable skill!); -Nurture a plant - talk to the plant, tell it you love it (I thought about the lavender struggling for life on my kitchen windowsill and promised it that I would do better?) There's a fair number of vaguely condescending and obnoxious parables from the author's own life, and I'll be disregarding his repeated suggestion to wake up at 430am to write and meditate (glad it works for you, though, buddy!) If you've been to a yoga class or flirted with meditation, a lot of this will probably sound familiar or maybe even be second nature to you already, but it's a nice book and I felt a little more loving and kind after reading it.
—Julia
I discovered this book at a Costco after my first son was born -- after I had been diagnosed with panic disorder. I was trying to "cope" with the new version of my life and was looking for any help I could get. I wasn't a "young" mom and thought I had it pretty much "together" before kids but really felt like my world was spiraling out of control. It turned out I actually had suffered from undiagnosed PPD and because I hadn't changed life very much at all (except for adding cuddling a newborn/infant, changing diapers and feeding him and not getting much sleep) -- I returned to work after 10 days and took him with me. We pretty much did everything I had always done with the addition but I felt a lot of guilt and fear that I was doing everything wrong. I was VERY resistent to any drug therapy and so when I stumbled across this book I decided to give it a try. The sections vary in length and many were not about anything of any great importance. BUT, that is actually what helped me regain my focus because I realized I was worrying about EVERYTHING. Ironically, the BIG stuff I tended to sail through. I won't give it credit for changing my life so much as helping me to re-examine how I looked at life and what in fact was important. Just by having someone "tell me" or rather reaffirm that I didn't have to walk a highwire to get it all done and that just being a family and happy together was primarily enough. I learned to manage my panic (for the most part) and kept this book in the bathroom so it was handy as a reminder.
—Debbi
