Celebrity Death Match versus Heart of Darkness.Dear Christopher Robin,Your father and I miss you but we feel that it would be best if you spent the remainder of the summer at camp, as previously agreed. You quit the boy scouts, band and your newspaper route to spend more time with those... things. Really, my son, you are much too told to play with... stuffed animals. To think, all my friends in the bridge meetings have all-star athlete sons and honor roll daughters to brag about. I have Christopher Robin. You may be a hero in your bedroom, in the night, but I have to make up things about you to boast about. How you saved your friend, E., from getting lost in the woods. Or your friend W. who flew into the tree tops on too many hot air balloons. The tales are getting quite ridiculous. You should make regular old human boy friends (you aren't gay, are you? Your father thinks that maybe...). It is about time. I have put up your toys for sale in a garage sale and a nice man named Kurtz came to purchase them. He gave me a very nice ivory musical instrument set in exchange for them. I bragged for a month of bridge meetings about that coup! Well, we'll see you at the end of the summer. Please, at least try to get a tan. Your legs in those ridiculous little boy shorts are much too pale.Love,MumDear Christopher Robin,I have lost the passage of time at the bottom of this trunk. I don't know where we are going, only that I am scared. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my. Oh dear. Tigger is not himself. He is snarling at me. Winnie is off his pot and it's not honey! I... I don't know how to tell you this... By the time you read this I am not be a let of a pig myself... They ate roo and rabbit. Kurtz is his name. He eats. He smells. He ripped the heads off of monkeys and oh dear, we are not in the 100 acre wood any more. I fear so much that I shall become like Eeyore, who took his own life. Kanga had not a pep talk to pull out of her pouch for him. Wise Old Owl only advises that we must make do with our new great leader. I have not forsaken you. I tremble, and I shake... Oh dear, oh dear. Why must the fate of our world depend on my little shoulders?Help!PigletDear mom and dad,I hope that you have given up on finding me. I was never the golden boy you wanted me to be. Only with my stuffed animal menagerie could I come off as wiser and smarter that I needed me to be. A lot has happened since last year. I ditched the canoes and the wedgies and bug juice for real bugs and canoes and wedgies (you haven't had a wedgie until the humidity lodges the whole elastic band up tight in your ass crack) in the jungle and sweet, sweet revenge. You would have been in awe if you could have heard my summation in the end, the sweet justification for my brutal actions. It is the law of the jungle. Silly old bear, I will kill Kurtz and take his fiancee for myself (No, mom I am not gay). His followers I had killed and stuffed. Now they worship me too.Love,your son.Winner: Winnie the Pooh
Celebrity Death Match Quarter FinalThe Complete Tales and Poems of Winnie-the-Pooh versus Mary PoppinsBANKS FAMILY EXPRESS SHOCK AT NEW REVELATIONS IN POPPINS CASELondon, Friday 14th October 2011The Banks family have expressed their 'deep disappointment' at new discoveries in the Poppins corruption scandal. 'We just can't understand it' a tearful Mrs Banks said to reporters yesterday. 'She always looked as if butter would not melt in her mouth. It's hard to believe that she was working against the country's best interests all this time.'The beginnings of Ms P.'s downfall go back to the year 2003, when feeding pigeons in Trafalgar Square became illegal under a City of London by-law. At the time it was well documented that Ms Poppins was donating large sums of money to the Save the Pigeons campaign, which of course is not a criminal act. However, when the Inland Revenue examined the campaign's financial records, they found anomalies in the amounts used for what were described as 'publicity services'. Millions of pounds were being siphoned into this particular fund which then was traced to bank accounts in Switzerland, and suspicion was raised that it had been used for money laundering, and to bribe members of the City of London Council. Five of their members are now under police investigation. Now further details reveal that Ms Poppins' fortune was amassed from a drug courier business. Her blameless exterior and independent means of travel provided the perfect front for a perfidious trade in cocaine, which was often carried in her well-known carpet bag in the guise of stomach powders. A recent case of poisoning has raised further suspicion that cocaine was not the only substance in her repertoire. These details were betrayed after Ms P. took up personally with Ms S., a former birdseed seller, and allowed her to enjoy all the privileges of a personal assistant without any formal employment arrangement. Ms S. had business cards printed claiming that she was a personal advisor to Ms Poppins, flew frequently on trips with Ms Poppins and even set up meetings with prospective clients. However it seems that when Ms S tried to muscle in on the drug business, she was quietly ousted, and then went to the police in retaliation. Police sources inform us that there is an ongoing investigation into Ms Poppins' connections to the underworld of illegal immigrants to the UK, often disguised as chimney sweeps and taught to speak with an unconvincing Cockney accent. It would appear that Ms Poppins sits at the centre of a web of corruption. Calls for her resignation as the nation's Super Nanny were already to be heard pending investigation of the bribery scandal, but the recent revelations about her drug dealing business make her position increasingly untenable. Ms Poppins was unavailable for comment yesterday, but her spokesman, Mr A. Werritty, is due to make a public statement later today. Note: no animals were harmed in the making of this review.
Do You like book Winnie-the-Pooh (2001)?
First time reading this. I read the Tao of Pooh first for some bizarre reason. This and Hans Christian Andersen seem to be children's stories an adult can enjoy.Really surprised at some of the comic twists in the writing. Not sure an animated version could ever do justice to the telling. The original illustrations make the landscape look like spare Asian brush strokes blurred by rain. Maybe that's the English gorse Thomas Hardy was always murmuring about.It was very nice to have all story and no lesson, but it couldn't last. Must the bear of little brain become the hero, and must we use the well-meaning grouser Eeyore to teach us the importance of keeping our heads in at times of recognition? Eeyore is usually the modest sort of retiring grumbler that Marvin from the Hitchhiker's Guide never could be. Also, are the chapters too short? Still, most of the time Winnie-the-Pooh and even Christopher Robin and friends are always up for adventure, with very little foresight, follow through, or hindsight, and therein lies the pleasure of it.
—Travelin
First sentence: Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin.Favorite quote: "When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, "what's the first thing you say to yourself?" "What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. "What do you say, Piglet?""I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.Pooh nodded thoughtfully."It's the same thing," he said.Just a wonderfully delight book to read on a Sunday afternoon. I loved every page.
—Kathryn
I got four matching hardback books today:When We Were Very YoungNow We Are SixWinnie-the-Pooh andThe House at Pooh Corner.I was going to put some ribbon around them and sell them as a set, but I got lost in reading The King's Breakfast (and loving Shepard's illustrations) aloud. I don't really want to sell the book now. I want to have kiddies come into the shop and on the pretext of perhaps making a sale from the parents reading the poems aloud. Most of the parents won't be impressed though, they prefer the Disney version ;-( And the kids - they are more into Peppa Pig and Doc McStuffins these days.The King asked The Queen, and The Queen asked The Dairymaid: "Could we have some butter for The Royal slice of bread?" The Queen asked the Dairymaid, The Dairymaid Said, "Certainly, I'll go and tell the cow Now Before she goes to bed." The Dairymaid She curtsied, And went and told the Alderney: "Don't forget the butter for The Royal slice of bread." The Alderney said sleepily: "You'd better tell His Majesty That many people nowadays Like marmalade Instead." The Dairymaid Said "Fancy!" And went to Her Majesty. She curtsied to the Queen, and She turned a little red: "Excuse me, Your Majesty, For taking of The liberty, But marmalade is tasty, if It's very Thickly Spread." The Queen said "Oh!" And went to his Majesty: "Talking of the butter for The royal slice of bread, Many people Think that Marmalade Is nicer. Would you like to try a little Marmalade Instead?" The King said, "Bother!" And then he said, "Oh, deary me!" The King sobbed, "Oh, deary me!" And went back to bed. "Nobody," He whimpered, "Could call me A fussy man; I only want A little bit Of butter for My bread!" The Queen said, "There, there!" And went to The Dairymaid. The Dairymaid Said, "There, there!" And went to the shed. The cow said, "There, there! I didn't really Mean it; Here's milk for his porringer And butter for his bread." The queen took the butter And brought it to His Majesty. The King said "Butter, eh?" And bounced out of bed. "Nobody," he said, As he kissed her Tenderly, "Nobody," he said, As he slid down The banisters, "Nobody, My darling, Could call me A fussy man - BUT I do like a little bit of butter to my bread!"
—Petra X
